crying = blackmail?

[anotheranon]

Last night I got an email - one of those things that circulates between friends, like it does. The title: "Guys Rules". Most of this was a list of stereotypes about men that while unflattering (and, often grossly inaccurate) are largely inoffensive (guys never ask for directions, can't remember anniversaries, football Sunday is inevitable). But one jumped out at me: "Crying is blackmail."

I know the idea is out there outside of this email - one of my prior supervisors was vocal that he viewed women's tears as manipulation(!) My friend didn't send me the email to deliberately offend me, but that one just stuck in my craw not only because it is so outrageously dismissive, but because IMHO it's absolutely not true!

I'd rather have teeth pulled that cry. I'd rather have them pulled along with my toenails than cry in front of another person. I learned early on that little girls who cry get a lot MORE shit at school, so I trained myself out of it, to a large degree. I trained myself so well that I often can't cry when I KNOW it would be a much needed release.

In other words, if ever you see me cry, it's because I absolutely, positively CANNOT stop myself, and if I was ever accused of crying to manipulate someone I'd be livid.

Of course, that's my own experience, so I have to ask: can women - ANY woman - really "turn on the waterworks" at will, for whatever reason? I don't mean covering their face with their hands and "faking" it, I mean genuine, rolling tears that keep on coming.

Also, am I the only one whose ever heard anyone say "crying is blackmail" or similar "in the wild" so to speak? If so, what was the context? Where/how did this myth get circulation in the first place?

Just to muddy the waters further, I'm willing to consider that the ability/need to cry might be hormonally based; last week I was reading a blog entry by a female-to-male (FTM) transexual who was talking about the difficulties of crying after transition (I'll post a link if I can find it. As of posting, I've searched for half an hour for the post with no luck). I'm very resistant to the idea that gender/hormones govern everything we do so tightly and absolutely, but I'm putting it out there for discussion.

And though I know I'll be irritated if I get a "yes" to this - does anyone reading believe that women can cry at will?

And yes, I'm aware that the plural of "anecdote" isn't "data" - I'm just curious.

Comments

Re: I confess...

[anotheranon.livejournal.com]

I quite agree that if you're in a situation where manipulation is your only tool, that you're going to rely on it heavily. I do need to be reminded occasionally that not every woman, everywhere is free to get up and go if their husband/boyfriend is a pig :P

It is sad you had to resort to manipulation for so much of your marriage. It's good you got out :)

Re: I confess...

[semmie17.livejournal.com]

And that's what I found to be the most telling about the "guy's rules" that Katie sent out -- it reflected a true approach to men who are in that rural, male-domination environment. In that environment, men do what they want, and women have to cope because there isn't family, educational, or social structures that will allow them to progress. The thing that gets me is -- these women don't even know that their husband/boyfriends are PIGS! They think the men are perfectly normal, and so they cope with the effects of this presumption.

Guys like Mikey, Tim, and your hubby are mutants in the good X-men HomoSuperior sort of meaning. They deserve lots of kisses. :))))