crying = blackmail?

[anotheranon]

Last night I got an email - one of those things that circulates between friends, like it does. The title: "Guys Rules". Most of this was a list of stereotypes about men that while unflattering (and, often grossly inaccurate) are largely inoffensive (guys never ask for directions, can't remember anniversaries, football Sunday is inevitable). But one jumped out at me: "Crying is blackmail."

I know the idea is out there outside of this email - one of my prior supervisors was vocal that he viewed women's tears as manipulation(!) My friend didn't send me the email to deliberately offend me, but that one just stuck in my craw not only because it is so outrageously dismissive, but because IMHO it's absolutely not true!

I'd rather have teeth pulled that cry. I'd rather have them pulled along with my toenails than cry in front of another person. I learned early on that little girls who cry get a lot MORE shit at school, so I trained myself out of it, to a large degree. I trained myself so well that I often can't cry when I KNOW it would be a much needed release.

In other words, if ever you see me cry, it's because I absolutely, positively CANNOT stop myself, and if I was ever accused of crying to manipulate someone I'd be livid.

Of course, that's my own experience, so I have to ask: can women - ANY woman - really "turn on the waterworks" at will, for whatever reason? I don't mean covering their face with their hands and "faking" it, I mean genuine, rolling tears that keep on coming.

Also, am I the only one whose ever heard anyone say "crying is blackmail" or similar "in the wild" so to speak? If so, what was the context? Where/how did this myth get circulation in the first place?

Just to muddy the waters further, I'm willing to consider that the ability/need to cry might be hormonally based; last week I was reading a blog entry by a female-to-male (FTM) transexual who was talking about the difficulties of crying after transition (I'll post a link if I can find it. As of posting, I've searched for half an hour for the post with no luck). I'm very resistant to the idea that gender/hormones govern everything we do so tightly and absolutely, but I'm putting it out there for discussion.

And though I know I'll be irritated if I get a "yes" to this - does anyone reading believe that women can cry at will?

And yes, I'm aware that the plural of "anecdote" isn't "data" - I'm just curious.

Comments

[anotheranon.livejournal.com]

I'm willing to accept that actors can train themselves to cry by thinking of something that really made them cry in the past (see Semmie's comment downthread) - it's something they're required to do for a role, so I imagine they practice triggering themselves. That's all right - after all, it's called acting for a reason.

I don't think I've ever come across a crier - while sometimes I question whether someone should be upset enough to cry about something, I don't question that they ARE upset enough to cry.

And yeah - I've run into the "little girl" voice, but curiously, it was during my time in sales. I had a manager who would talk in this high pitched tone with a customer (it was the junior's department - maybe it was to sound more like a teenager?) and would drop about 2 octaves in the stock room :P

[jlsjlsjls.livejournal.com]

LOL!!!!! Your manager story made me think of Mr. Humphries (played by John Inman), in "Are You Being Served?" ... normally talked in a rather light voice, but would drop down several octaves when answering the department telephone. XD

My "little girl voice" experiences have been a tad different from yours; what I got was a female co-worker talking to me in a normal voice and then, when I didn't immediately drop what I was doing to do whatever they wanted, or act thrilled over whatever they were telling me, I'd get the same thing in the "little girl voice." Repeatedly. For some reason, possibly brain damage, the people who do this have trouble grasping the idea that individuals exist who don't respond well to middle-aged women trying to sound/act as if they're three years old (an insult to three-year-olds, I realize; most of them are better behaved). One of 'em also fished for compliments in "little girl" mode ... if she had a new haircut/item of clothing and didn't feel she was getting enough attention/compliments, she'd appear at people's desks and ask "Don't you love my new *****?" in the voice. Since I loathe compliment-fishing even in normal voice, you can imagine how well this went over with me. :p