bad smut, no donut

[anotheranon]

Found at Pandagon, the Bad Sex in Fiction awardees. Some of these are so bad I have to think that the author was trying for humor rather than heat:

And he came hard in her mouth and his dick jumped around and rattled on her teeth and he blacked out and she took his dick out of her mouth and lifted herself from his face and whipped the pillow away and he gasped and glugged at the air, and he came again so hard that his dick wrenched out of her hand and a shot of it hit him straight in the eye and stung like nothing he'd ever had in there, and he yelled with the pain, but the yell could have been anything, and as she grabbed at his dick, which was leaping around like a shower dropped in an empty bath, she scratched his back deeply with the nails of both hands and he shot three more times, in thick stripes on her chest. Like Zorro.

Holy run-on sentece, Batman! I've written some completely amateur smut and I at least know where to put a period!

...."Like Zorro?" I see what the author is trying to say but, non-sequitir, much?

Comments

[anotheranon.livejournal.com]

A fair point - I'd hate for someone to get busted at work. And clipping that would have been a relief to almost everyone, just to spare them the prose :P

Seriously - I do talk about sex a good bit in here, though this is one of the few instances that isn't filtered. You might want to check out my TMI filter poll (http://www.livejournal.com/users/anotheranon/347601.html) if you're concerned about controlling what appears on your screen.

[thalionar.livejournal.com]

ah! I don't think we'd friended each other at that point, which is why I didn't see it :)