beauty is in the eye of the pocketbook

[anotheranon]

Pandagon's expansion on a post at Alley Rat about the sad state of men who so media-saturated that they can't find normal women attractive got me thinking about how much of human desire is our own, and how much is just overexposure to Photoshopped models. I know what constant visions of rail-thin women to do other women - makes us feel bad enough about how we look that we will shell out for the latest makeup/snake oil/gym membership to firm up/shave off/cover up where we think we're lacking or have too much. Even though I've seen models in person and know, definitely, that even they don't look like their photos, I have to admit it still sometimes gets to me that my skin isn't perfect or that my tummy isn't perfectly flat.

But I never considered the guy's perspective - there are some guys getting really bothered by the fact that they can't get turned on by normal sized/shaped women because all they've ever seen are models and actresses, and heavily Photoshopped ones at that. If the comments on these two posts are any indication, those who do fancy someone other than the advertising standards of young and thin are mocked by their male peers or considered fetishists for liking a woman of perfectly normal proportions.

I also have to wonder if this isn't affecting women too - after all, billboards aren't chock full of balding guys with beer guts. And much as Hugh Jackman's arms are a joy to behold, I DO know that there is an infinite variety of male beauty out there. At least, I hope I do.

IMHO this is a downright freakish state of affairs! I know that some of us have overcome Hollywood/Madison Avenue well enough to develop our own tastes; did we all stop watching tv? Personally I think it's helpful to see lots of ordinary people naked to get a more realistic idea of, well, reality, but somehow I don't think that most people will really go for nationally encouraged nudity :P

Yes, this is an incoherent rambling post, and the links above discuss the issues of media, body image, and selling stuff far better than I can here. Read & discuss amongst yourselves....

Comments

[tommdroid.livejournal.com]

I don't fully recognise this phenomena, though in large parts I surely do. I know a few who have younger girlfriends/wifes, but I also know a few women who have boyfriends/husbands who are significantly younger than temselves.

In discussions I sense there is a differance between fantasies/sex and love/sex. And the sexual charisma is known to be a mix of a beautiful body and a smashing personality. I have heard several men, younger and older, phraise a couple of Swedish actresses born in the 40s. When going out me and my lady friends are frequently asked to dance by younger men (and men our age but seldom older men...could it be the docs?) And I am chubby. Is this a Swedish thing?

But sure, I see your point, and the article was very"the thumb on the nail". Some people are hoplessly shallow...and I predict they will die alone.

Personally I have a thing for long, slim, sexy male legs (and androids!). I can't help it, my mind and my libido do not always get along through logic. Fortunately I have other turn-ons as well, lucky for me that is, I would detest being all that shallow. A big turn-off for me is all them Ken and Barbie like people, platic perfect and altered, only good for hanging clothes on.

Truly beautiful people on the other hand, I can never look enough on them. It is like looking at art but just like art it is clear they are fantasy, photoshop fantasy, makeup and hair fantasy. They are not for real sex, and if they stopped me from having real sex and real turn-ons I would see a shrink, a.s.a.p.

[anotheranon.livejournal.com]

When going out me and my lady friends are frequently asked to dance by younger men (and men our age but seldom older men...could it be the docs?) And I am chubby. Is this a Swedish thing?

No idea, as I've never been to Sweden and as such can't compare.

JLS has pointed out in the past that UK tv, at least, does have much more normal looking people in their tv shows than most US series. If Swedish tv is anything like British then perhaps everyone just isn't as hammered with glossy unreality as here. On American tv, most women are slim and beautiful, and old, stereotypically ugly male characters are often paired with women much younger - I'm guessing that if this gets presented as normal every day on the box people start to think it is, and completely forget that TV is fantasy :(

Personally I find the discussion fascinating and hopeful - more people are finally starting to realize that beauty isn't a tiny set of innate qualities but something we're taught.

I don't think I'm entirely immune, I think I'm just choosing different teachers - I don't watch much broadcast TV anymore and seldom read fashion magazines.

[tommdroid.livejournal.com]

JLS has pointed out in the past that UK tv, at least, does have much more normal looking people in their tv shows than most US series. If Swedish tv is anything like British then perhaps everyone just isn't as hammered with glossy unreality as here. On American tv, most women are slim and beautiful, and old, stereotypically ugly male characters are often paired with women much younger - I'm guessing that if this gets presented as normal every day on the box people start to think it is, and completely forget that TV is fantasy :(

That makes perfect sense! The infamous normalization process! We make fun of US tv-shows, like Sunset Beach and The bold and the beautiful, how the actresses hairs are all the same, how Barbie/Ken like they are, and how none of the actors can make a facial expression due to what we assume is way too many botox injections.

Personally I find the discussion fascinating and hopeful - more people are finally starting to realize that beauty isn't a tiny set of innate qualities but something we're taught.

I learnt that in school, high school to be precise. We had what it's called "Bild" in Swedish, "Picture" if I translate it. We did not only learn the basics in drawing, painting and photography, but also how advertising pictures are made and how to analyse the advertising message. We got to analyse an episode of "Dallas" to see how Sue-Ellen always was placed in the right lower corner of the screen while JR always inhabited the upper left corner, and how the women all could tremble with their chin when arguing while the men kept stern. Oh boy! Our teacher claimed: "It is all about sex and domination, that is what life is all about." And I think she was right ;)

I don't think I'm entirely immune, I think I'm just choosing different teachers - I don't watch much broadcast TV anymore and seldom read fashion magazines.

I don't think anyone is immune. And your assumption about just choosing different teachers looks very accurate. We all have our mental back-pack of experiences. I got told that during the Victorian time in England, they had an experiment to show young boys/men dead female bodies, all in the name of science and studies, to make the female body less myserious for them, less tempting and sexy, and the result ended up with a bunch of boys/men going necrophilian.