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[anotheranon]

Yes kids, it's a fencing post!

Tonight had a nasty surprise in the form of a foot spasm, the first in awhile and mostly came about because I'm trying to correct my weak back ankle. As I type this I'm icing my feet so I don't expect it'll go back to as bad as it was this summer, but it was still annoying.

V. gave us an exercise - pick a couple of things to work on, and pay attention to when you do them well - x number solid parry fours, n good disengages, etc. It was a challenge for me because save my parry four, I don't think anything I do is all that good. Part of that is long time aversion to singing my own praises but the rest of it is simple lack of confidence.

belfebe and I had a long chat in Florence about fencing and how though one has to choke down one's ego to concentrate on the game, knowing "I am that good" is essential, but not something that can be taught by anyone.

Still though, V. kept telling me I was doing well during tonight's lesson, and he's not given to handing out compliments lightly, and my fellow fencers who keep telling me I've improved aren't likely to be in on some grand conspiracy to inflate my head so I have to recognize that, yeah, I might actually BE that good.

I just need to know that.

For the competition this weekend, I'll be engaging in a paradox: fence my best, and like I want to win, but not let the desire to win go to my head. And I have to admit, I do want it.

Comments

[anotheranon.livejournal.com]

Speaking only for myself, my inaccuracy in evaluating my own performance has a lot to do with lack of confidence. Sometimes I forget I'm NOT still the geeky 5th grader picked last for kickball :P

Competition provides excellent feedback re: how well I'm internalizing my lessons, if only because it's an opportunity to fence new people/people I don't fence very often. Charm City has some good people preregistered so I'm looking forward to a learning experience :)