where's my head at?
Sep. 3rd, 2008 11:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
anotheranonBack on the strip and 4 days until my 2nd competition "back" and I'm still straining. For one reason or another (and I'll speculate in a minute), I just can't get with the flow that I know I'm capable of.
In recent lessons V. has been lecturing me with "focus focus focus" and it's frustrating as hell that I can't do it. I'm also seemingly incapable of relying on my intuition and letting myself see everything, though I can do it because I have before (I think getting into that hyperaware headspace is why I did as well as I did back in March). I'm doing dumb, reactive shit that I know to avoid.
I think part of this is I got out of the habit of the competitive mindset - if anything, I stopped competing because of my feet just as I was starting to get used to it. Fine-tuning my footwork has helped physically but at a certain point I get giddy from the exertion and can't stay mindful.
I'm not sure what the solution is. I was hoping that things would click over with more frequent practice (Weds. night, when it happens, is usually free fencing for points instead of controlled drills) but it's not happening, though I'll keep trying it. I'm also going to try for more frequent competition as my schedule allows, but I don't want continued tanking to demoralize me to the point that this stops being fun.
Can't brain anymore tonight. I have the stupid (and also the crappy writing - did you notice?)
In recent lessons V. has been lecturing me with "focus focus focus" and it's frustrating as hell that I can't do it. I'm also seemingly incapable of relying on my intuition and letting myself see everything, though I can do it because I have before (I think getting into that hyperaware headspace is why I did as well as I did back in March). I'm doing dumb, reactive shit that I know to avoid.
I think part of this is I got out of the habit of the competitive mindset - if anything, I stopped competing because of my feet just as I was starting to get used to it. Fine-tuning my footwork has helped physically but at a certain point I get giddy from the exertion and can't stay mindful.
I'm not sure what the solution is. I was hoping that things would click over with more frequent practice (Weds. night, when it happens, is usually free fencing for points instead of controlled drills) but it's not happening, though I'll keep trying it. I'm also going to try for more frequent competition as my schedule allows, but I don't want continued tanking to demoralize me to the point that this stops being fun.
Can't brain anymore tonight. I have the stupid (and also the crappy writing - did you notice?)
