sex/dating: the dancing vs. basketball model

[anotheranon]

After reading this post on Pandagon about framing sex as a collaborative instead of a competitive act all I could think was - yeah, no wonder standard hetero dating sucked so bad when I was single :P

If one assumes that sex is something one person (usually male) will lie, cheat, and steal in order to get from someone else (usually female) - and based on what I saw in college, many people (men and women) had this perspective - women can never be more than the prize, not a participant. And being Most Desired Thing still sucks, 'cos you're still a thing :(

However, if you assume that sex is a collaborative act, like dancing (or other art), then you've got two (or more) fully realized individuals doing something fun together. I like this idea much better :)

Seriously, read all of it, because Amanda explains where she's coming from much better than I - also a related post elsewhere about the differences between a competitive and a performance model of sex is illustrative. Needless to say, a lot of this makes me nod in understanding.

Leaving this public 'cos I think the links are thought provoking enough to want them to have a wider audience, but comments screened 'cos sex is a touchy subject for some people. Usual rules apply - if you want to be seen, ask me to unscreen.

Comments

[badmagic.livejournal.com]

Interesing article, although anyone who'd write "the very idea that getting someone to play in your band or jam session who is reluctant or openly hostile makes no sense" has never been in a band. If you have gig, the fact that the drummer is a dick is less important than the fact he's a drummer.

Your line about "sex as a collaborative act, like dancing" caught my eye. I do a fair amount of dancing, and no, it usually isn't. Typically, it's seen as the lead's job to entertain the follower, except when the lead is seen as much more experienced than the follow, and she's tying to impress him so he'll dance with her again, or the follower is an expert who enjoys showing off her skills.

I don't know if changing the competitive paradigm for a collarborative model would make for better relationships, but I can tell you it makes for better dancing.

[anotheranon.livejournal.com]

Points taken - perhaps dancing and music aren't the best illustrations for a collaborative act :P I do neither so your insider accounts are helpful.

Are you able to see the broader themes of collaborate vs. competition though?

[badmagic.livejournal.com]

And feel free to unscreen my comment.