where's my head at?

[anotheranon]

So, I'm in my first competition in just a couple of weeks.

Fencing buddy B. sent on this helpful primer for newbie competitors (subtitled "Dude, Where's My Foil?" - gotta love it) and has generously volunteered for the duties of brunch creator, cheering squad, "squire" and post-bout deconstruction hostess, for which I am very grateful, but I am rather surprised at her confidence. She hopes our club takes the top spots, which I hope too, but I'm very aware of my limitations and hope I don't disappoint.

Understand - I don't think I'm THAT awful, but compared to many of the other people in my club, I really am a relative newbie - in 6 years I'm getting to the stage where I'm unlearning as many bad habits as I am practicing good ones, and it's daunting at times. My club has an informal "ladder" competition going on in which those further down can challenge those further up, and even though I'm signed up for a competition I've declined to participate in the ladder simply because I'm intimidated as hell, and some part of me is scared to go in and lose and get completely demoralized.

Why I fear losing to my equals less than losing to those provably better than me is one of those stupid things; maybe it's because I know I'll see the club mates a week after any defeat but new people - well, I don't see them often and care less what they think anyway.

It's fscking embarrassing because I shouldn't feel bad about fencing to the best of my ability, no matter what that ends up being (hell, that's why I'm competing - I'm curious just how good, or bad, I am). If anything, avoiding making a fool of myself usually means I don't move forward, so maybe it would be better for me and for my game if I bit the bullet, hopped on the club ladder, and got my clock cleaned :P

Comments

[jlsjlsjls.livejournal.com]

Y'know, I played checkers with my Dad almost daily from the time I was about four, and he never ever slacked off and "let" me win ... he was a shark, but he'd explain to me where I went wrong with my moves, and when I did finally beat him at about age thirteen, it was 100% on my own merit and because I'd stuck with it all those years, determined I was gonna nail him one day ... not out of resentment or revenge, but out of wanting to be as good as he was at it.

I know checkers isn't fencing, but I'd imagine the same principle applies ... you get good by playing the better players, you lose a lot but you learn something each time, you get encouraged by coming soooo close, and thanks to the challenge they present (and sheer bloodymindedness), you come out the victor one day. Sounds as if the fencing ladder is the same thing ... it might be a long while before you win one, but you'll learn a lot of stuff that isn't in the manuals and drills on the climb.

P.S. My second win was a long while after my first, but my third came within a shorter time and it wasn't long before it was 50/50 odds as to which of us would come out ahead ... which just made it all the more fun and challenging. :-)