so, what are you going to make with that?

[anotheranon]

The scripted question of all fabric store clerks has been a topic of discussion on one of my costume lists this week. Best answer was along the lines of "I'm going to take it home and roll on it so the cats know it's MINE" :P

A recent study indicated that fabric gives off certain Pheromones that actually hypnotize women and cause them to purchase unreasonable amounts. When stored in large quantities in enclosed spaces, the Pheromones (in the fabric) cause memory loss and induce the nesting syndrome (similar to the one squirrels have before the onset of winter I.e. storing food), therefore perpetuating their species, and not having a population loss due to their kind being cut into pieces and mixed with others.

Sound tests have also revealed that these fabrics emit a very high-pitched sound, heard only by a select few, a breed of women known as "quilters". When played backwards on an LP, the sounds are heard as chants, "buy me, cut me, and sew me". In order to overcome the so called "feeding frenzy effect" that these fabrics cause, one must wear a face mask when entering a storage facility and use ear plugs to avoid being pulled into their grip. (One must laugh, however, at the sight of customers in a fabric store, with WW2 army gas masks and headphones!).

Studies have also in dictated that aliens have inhabited the earth, helping to spread the effects that these fabrics have on the human population. They
are called FABRIC STORE CLERKS. It's also been experienced that these same Pheromones cause a pathological need to hide these fabric purchases when
taken home (or at least blend them into the existing stash), and when asked by significant other if the fabric is new, the reply is "I've had it for awhile."

Written by Kathy Smith

Luckily (or not), for me, I tend to hoard patterns.

Comments

[jlsjlsjls.livejournal.com]

The clerks in my local fabric shop have only ever asked me what I was making a couple of times ... probably because the times when I can shop are the times when all the other working sewers are in the store too, and there's usually line-ups at all the cutting tables, which means no chance/time for conversation. :p Although I DID get asked last time I bought some t-shirt knit to make a nightshirt ... guess vivid orange batik with touches of turquoise (remember that?) is an attention-getter even on the busiest day. :p

I did have a clerk very intrigued when she was helping me track down the fabric for my long-sleeved Miyake top (the one with the twist in the front) because of the very specific requirements ... she asked me if I would bring the finished top in and show it to her, and was very happy when I came in wearing it, sought her out, and let her take a good look at the construction (she said she'd been working there a couple of years and I was the only customer who'd actually kept that promise).