so, what are you going to make with that?

[anotheranon]

The scripted question of all fabric store clerks has been a topic of discussion on one of my costume lists this week. Best answer was along the lines of "I'm going to take it home and roll on it so the cats know it's MINE" :P

A recent study indicated that fabric gives off certain Pheromones that actually hypnotize women and cause them to purchase unreasonable amounts. When stored in large quantities in enclosed spaces, the Pheromones (in the fabric) cause memory loss and induce the nesting syndrome (similar to the one squirrels have before the onset of winter I.e. storing food), therefore perpetuating their species, and not having a population loss due to their kind being cut into pieces and mixed with others.

Sound tests have also revealed that these fabrics emit a very high-pitched sound, heard only by a select few, a breed of women known as "quilters". When played backwards on an LP, the sounds are heard as chants, "buy me, cut me, and sew me". In order to overcome the so called "feeding frenzy effect" that these fabrics cause, one must wear a face mask when entering a storage facility and use ear plugs to avoid being pulled into their grip. (One must laugh, however, at the sight of customers in a fabric store, with WW2 army gas masks and headphones!).

Studies have also in dictated that aliens have inhabited the earth, helping to spread the effects that these fabrics have on the human population. They
are called FABRIC STORE CLERKS. It's also been experienced that these same Pheromones cause a pathological need to hide these fabric purchases when
taken home (or at least blend them into the existing stash), and when asked by significant other if the fabric is new, the reply is "I've had it for awhile."

Written by Kathy Smith

Luckily (or not), for me, I tend to hoard patterns.

Comments

[ibeesewing.livejournal.com]

I am not comfortable answering the question "what are you going to make with this fabric?" at the cutting counter. I guess it's a combination of being tired of the weird looks I get, and not wanting to spend 5 minutes explaining historic reenactment, the SCA, and what an Elizabethan is. So now I tell them I'm making curtains or pillows, depending on the fabric. Or I just tell them a dress or a skirt, which is closer to the truth.

[anotheranon.livejournal.com]

Many people in the topic thread report the same thing - they're tired of explaining themselves. If I hit fabric stores more often, I imagine I'd get tired of it too.

Luckily, most of the time I have a pattern in hand to show them (thus ending a conversation that might be boring to a wage slave with no interest in sewing), but when I am working on something genuinely "cool" they do look interested, and it's fun to answer questions. I remember one was really psyched to hear about the existence of Costume Con :)

[ibeesewing.livejournal.com]

Having a visual would be helpful, though do they ask you prying questions like "where will you wear that?" which, in the case of fetishwear, could get interesting :). I used to live in Tampa, which is dominated by little old ladies who quilt, so costuming was seen as quirky.

I've noticed that Petsmart employees always ask "how many cats do you have?", which they are probably forced to do. Maybe one day I'll answer, "none, I just like the way cat food tastes."

[anotheranon.livejournal.com]

Well, if you tell them you're making fetish gear that will likely curtail any further questions real quick :P My standard answer to "where will you wear that" is "I'll vacuum the house in it" - for the longest time I didn't know of anywhere to wear half my creations so practical use was never a consideration :P

And yes, Petsmart probably is required to ask about pets, if only to suggest more toys/food/whatever. I was in our local shop a couple of weekends ago and I'm staggered at the seemingly infinite variety of pet paraphernalia out there!