"pathological fatherly protectiveness"
May. 2nd, 2006 10:28 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
anotheranonThat's the title of the Happy Feminist's post about daddies who joke about locking up their daughters 'til they're thirty. Not a funny joke, incidentally.
Yes, I know women are (as a group) not as physically big and scary as men (as a group) are, and don't think we aren't made aware of our vulnerabilty to pregnancy/rape/other violence from puberty onwards (if not before). That's no reason to treat us like china dolls. Yes, the overprotectiveness is well meant and sometimes necessary (for very young children of both sexes), but cut it out already!
Don't teach girls that men will always behave badly (they won't) and it's their responsibility if they do (it's not). Instead, teach them that if someone tries to hurt them, their assailant is in the wrong and that they have every right to fight back. Then show them how!!!
Teach them physical self defense, concious, thoughtful consideration of the risks of given situations.
Teach them that it's ok to say no - loudly - if they want to. Teach them that it's ok to not be nice when the situation demands it.
HF also points out that there seems to be far less concern about what young men are up to, when statistically they are more vulnerable to violence and death by violence than their female counterparts. The key bit to take away:
This is less of a rant and more of a plea - we do young women no service by overprotecting them from the greater world, particularly from the real or imagined dangers of men. I say this not as the mother of a daughter but as a daughter of parents who meant well (oh, so very well) but encouraged irrational, often unfounded fears of people and everyday living that I'm still trying to untangle - at some point most modern Western women are going to have to take care of themselves, and it's far, far better to be prepared to do so.
Yes, I know women are (as a group) not as physically big and scary as men (as a group) are, and don't think we aren't made aware of our vulnerabilty to pregnancy/rape/other violence from puberty onwards (if not before). That's no reason to treat us like china dolls. Yes, the overprotectiveness is well meant and sometimes necessary (for very young children of both sexes), but cut it out already!
Don't teach girls that men will always behave badly (they won't) and it's their responsibility if they do (it's not). Instead, teach them that if someone tries to hurt them, their assailant is in the wrong and that they have every right to fight back. Then show them how!!!
Teach them physical self defense, concious, thoughtful consideration of the risks of given situations.
Teach them that it's ok to say no - loudly - if they want to. Teach them that it's ok to not be nice when the situation demands it.
HF also points out that there seems to be far less concern about what young men are up to, when statistically they are more vulnerable to violence and death by violence than their female counterparts. The key bit to take away:
I think to be fair to our children of both sexes we (and by we, I especially mean you fathers out there) need to show more respect for our daughters' agency and ability to fend for themselves, and we also need to show a bit more concern for our sons and what they are doing and feeling. Parental protectiveness of children is surely a good thing if sensibly applied, but this nonsensical double standard doesn't help anyone.
This is less of a rant and more of a plea - we do young women no service by overprotecting them from the greater world, particularly from the real or imagined dangers of men. I say this not as the mother of a daughter but as a daughter of parents who meant well (oh, so very well) but encouraged irrational, often unfounded fears of people and everyday living that I'm still trying to untangle - at some point most modern Western women are going to have to take care of themselves, and it's far, far better to be prepared to do so.
