a frustration

[anotheranon]

Whilst working furiously along today, I chanced to overhear some of my co workers talking. One of them had a baby a few months ago, and they were comparing notes about the difficulties of raising boys vs. raising girls. I didn't participate - I know next to nothing about parenting, and I was busy besides. Still, even though it wasn't my business one of them said something that made me flinch.

The conversation turned towards teenagers and how girls become more difficult at that age because "you have to beat the boys off with a stick". Said "difficulties" arise in limiting the teenage girls movements and activities so she's safe from predatory boys, a good reason, certainly.

So, why does this bother me?

Because I've heard this so many times, and having been a teenage girl I was subject to my own parents' attempts to protect me by limiting my activities. Don't go there, or don't go after dark, or don't go alone. Better, yet, just don't go out. You'll be safe.

All these concerns started when I was around 13 or so and being harrassed at school by boys - what am I supposed to do, not get an education? Even discussions of inevitable marriage seemed to turn on "all boys are potential rapists, so you have to date and find one nice one to protect you from all the others." How is this in any way a sane strategy based on what I'd been told and experienced?

And I can't hammer my parents too hard - they meant well, and in retrospect I am grateful they were looking out for me, no matter how much it pissed me off at the time. But still:

Please, please let's not be raising more girls to rely on either their daddy or a boyfriend/husband as a bodyguard, constantly second guessing their activities out of fear! Teach them to defend themselves - some little boy pinches your ass, you slap him! And why do I never hear talk about teaching boys not to harass girls, and not to put up with their buddies doing it either?

I put forth my humble solution, humble because I know jack about being a teenage boy or raising children of any age: teach girls it's ok to slap and talk back to harassers. Teach boys not to harass in the first place. And teach boys it's ok that if a girl is being harassed to get her back if she's fighting and the boy is twice her size - even if the girl is a stranger and the boy is their best friend.

</rant off>

Comments

[wcg.livejournal.com]

My younger daughter, ladyalafair, slammed a boy up against a locker and put her knee where he couldn't help but notice after he'd been popping her bra strap in the 6th grade. Curiously enough, the word got around and nobody ever harrassed her again.

Of course you're right. Both of my daughters learned about measured response to aggressive actions. It's a much better thing than the "get a boyfriend to protect you" crap.

[anotheranon.livejournal.com]

I was never told, but figured out pretty quick in 7th grade that if you slap the boy pinching your ass, he usually won't do it again. One idiot needed to be smacked twice, but very honestly it only took a couple of these interactions before my middle school classmates left me alone for good.

I'm glad you told your daughters! My parents meant well, but they had some contradictory ideas. I could write a book, but won't - no time and I try and leave the past in the past.