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My pirate name is:
Dirty Bess Vane

You're the pirate everyone else wants to throw in the ocean -- not to get rid of you, you understand; just to get rid of the smell. You tend to blend into the background occaisionally, but that's okay, because it's much easier to sneak up on people and disembowel them that way. Arr!
Get your own pirate name from fidius.org.
Pirate coat front: well, the front is cut out, at least! Will be slow going but I'm crossing my fingers for Halloween...