National Coming Out Day

Same day every year, still as true as it was ~20 years ago when I first groked this about myself - I'm bisexual.

I'm still not very out. A few friends know; this past year I told my immediate family and even a co worker. It went well-ish: the co worker suspected anyway; the family was angry because I hadn't told them before (of course, they scoffed at my fear and made it all about them, but that's a rant for another post).

These may seem peewee steps to many of my friends that have been out comfortably for years, but to me they are huge. Intellectually I know that twenty years have passed since I was in the conservative suburb where being out presented real physical risk, but my gut still says it's stupid. It's not just for my physical safety either, it's fear of rejection and job loss. Being out to everyone is for people who are stronger than I am.

I have resolved to be honest whenever the subject comes up, but it almost never does. The assumption that everyone is straight still prevails, perhaps even more so when you're an old married lady.

So there it is.

week 2 of this silliness

Yes, I know it won't TECHNICALLY be 2 weeks until Tuesday, but I feel chatty today.

Still getting up, still running mornings (barring hard rain). Still fencing 3 days a week, though my patience is not improving.

Still writing, using fanfiction as amusement/deadline practice and character building as exercises. I think I've built good personality frameworks for my 3 main characters, the class on creating backstories is next week.

Still managing to do a lot of research, in a wide variety of areas: housewifery, architecture, manners, sexual acts/mores, metallurgy/alchemy. Early modern English is rather dense (holy run on sentences, Batman!) but if I read slowly it doesn't seem as strange once I'm immersed for a few hours. And I'm exhausted just reading about all the responsibilities of 16th century housewives.

So all goes well, right? Not exactly:

No work this week, so I don't get paid.

I'm starting to suffer a bit from cabin fever/lack of social stimulus. It was great to see skill_grl on my library run Tuesday and I'm still seeing fencing buds during evenings, but it's not nearly enough. D. is still working during the day so I go long stretches without talking to anyone. My inner introvert doesn't mind but strange though it sounds I worry about getting rusty.

I have not dressed for anyone other than the cats all week: no wild shoes, barely any makeup, I have not worn anything dressier than shorts in over 10 days, even when leaving the house. This may be why I'm not more jazzed about my sewing: in the short term it seems like there's no bloody point in having something shiny and new. I'm tempted to pull out my silk pajamas but I don't think they'd go well with my fuzzy socks. That, and the cats would slide off my lap (and I'm unwilling to give up quality lap time).

I'd go to the Mall museums, or finally visit the LOC except whoops, I can't because the yo yos in congress can't get their shit together. The stupidity grates.

I'd thought of taking a horseback riding class this weekend except I shouldn't be spending money I don't have and have no guarantee of regaining once work is back on.