never enough

It's good to be back in the competitive swing of things, but frustrating too.

The good: I kept my head on throughout pools and direct elimination. More specifically, I stayed focused on my target and managed to smack down nerves/arrogance/ other emotions that might have kicked me out of the moment and sabotaged my game. Physically, I was able to keep up irregular timing and distance all day without tearing myself up too bad.

The bad: I still lack confidence in my attacks, pulling up short because I feel like I have to make a parry to keep right of way, and I'm not getting my fool self out of distance when I miss, even though I physically can. The annoying mental cycling of "opponent is unrated, this will be easy/oh )(*CK, they're tiny and fast!" though controlled, still cropped up - do I never learn anything the first time? I'm not in pain, but my shin muscles are a bit stiff and "sticky".

The mixed: I finished 3rd and got a shiny, but it was 3 out of 6 and I placed the same out of the same number of people at the same competition a year ago (not the exact same 6 of us, if that makes sense). D. jokes that I don't know how to enjoy my successes and I hate to sound ungrateful/unimpressed but I somehow hoped? Thought? I'd place higher.

Placement and ratings don't count in the grand scheme - I definitely had a clearer head and more physical stamina than I did a year ago, but sometimes simple numbers make me feel like I'm treading water.

To do: get a clubmate/film/2nd set of eyes to confirm or deny that I really am hitching my attacks. Stretch every day, even non-practice days. Compete at least once a month to get used to competing again. Continue meditating because it seems to keep anxiety at bay.

housewifery

Today I caught up with all the home maintenance/chores that got shelved over the weekends that I was away/at play:

Did most of the weekly mountain of laundry. I still don't know how only 2 of us generate this much dirty linen - I suspect a lot of it is new sheets that need to be washed and, ahem, soiled cat carrier bedding from the recent trips to the vet.

Instant gratification sewing projects: after finishing the kirtle in (for me) record time, I've decided to do some accessorizing in the form of headwear. This one took two evenings to cut out and complete:



More "top-hatty" than I expected, but I had to make the brim smaller than Tudor Tailor pattern for it to fit me, and I didn't make proportional changes to the crown. Still, I like it, and I can dress it up with pins or badges.

It's sitting on a perfect on-grain yard of linen that I cut for a headrail out of the ~3 1/2 yards I picked up in Philly. It doesn't show in the photo, but it's not snow white - there's a beige/pinkish tinge which I rather like.

Speaking of Philly also gave the City Tavern's sweet potato biscuit recipe a swing this morning and was much pleased with the results.

Also cut some chain/fixed some clasps for necklaces that have needed repair for awhile. Well, not really repair as remodeling - lobster clasps are easier to manipulate when my hands are cold/numb than the regular ring variety.

Most of the evening was spent typing up a massive update for an online costume exhibit listing I contribute to. I'd unfortunately allowed it to get far out of date. Now to find someone who can actually post to the website...