1/4 impulse
Nov. 11th, 2012 06:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
anotheranonOne out of four practices, I am a good fencer.
Body and "no mind" align, if not in perfect synchronization, then enough that I can see what I'm doing but stay loose enough to keep doing it. On very, very rare occasions I'm so in the "flow" that everything is effortless and time goes away because I'm so in the moment.
The rest of the time is like today: first 20 minutes of lesson I'm able to stay calm and pay attention to the "feel" of what I'm doing, then coach pushes a single new variable to the stack and my conscious mind cuts in. Once the thinking hamster is on it's wheel I have a hell of a time stopping it, with the end result that I'm mentally and physically trying too hard to do something, wearing me out and pissing me off.
"No mind" (or as the other coach calls it, the "inner zombie") is a state I can get to and it does work - I know this from experience (see: one out of four). But I can't find a reliable, repeatable way to get there.
Alternately if I'm TOO relaxed, the part of my brain doing strategy doesn't work, so I can execute something technically well but at the wrong time.
Don't think I'm getting down on myself here, I don't think I'm stupid. But my anxiety does a good job of making me do stupid things.
Body and "no mind" align, if not in perfect synchronization, then enough that I can see what I'm doing but stay loose enough to keep doing it. On very, very rare occasions I'm so in the "flow" that everything is effortless and time goes away because I'm so in the moment.
The rest of the time is like today: first 20 minutes of lesson I'm able to stay calm and pay attention to the "feel" of what I'm doing, then coach pushes a single new variable to the stack and my conscious mind cuts in. Once the thinking hamster is on it's wheel I have a hell of a time stopping it, with the end result that I'm mentally and physically trying too hard to do something, wearing me out and pissing me off.
"No mind" (or as the other coach calls it, the "inner zombie") is a state I can get to and it does work - I know this from experience (see: one out of four). But I can't find a reliable, repeatable way to get there.
Alternately if I'm TOO relaxed, the part of my brain doing strategy doesn't work, so I can execute something technically well but at the wrong time.
Don't think I'm getting down on myself here, I don't think I'm stupid. But my anxiety does a good job of making me do stupid things.
