being female in public
Aug. 24th, 2010 10:49 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
anotheranonOriginally titled " being pretty ugly female in public but the strikethrough tags won't work in the title :P
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rm (where do all your links come from??) Physical attractiveness is overrated. And no, it's not a whiny "poor me, I get so attention 'cos I'm so cute" post.
I've been on both sides of the pretty/ugly divide in different places and times in my life and both suck. When I was considered ugly I got sneers, curses, and ridicule - and more of the same if I didn't respond. When considered pretty I got catcalls, gropes, and pestering, plus hostility if I didn't respond. I figure at least when considered ugly people were less likely to want to touch me and the harassment seemed less likely to escalate if I ignored it.
Neither has happened to me in a long time, a fact for which I'm grateful (no, catcalls are NOT complimentary). I suspect this has to do with being a less frequent pedestrian and aging into invisibility, but I prefer to think it's because I've finally managed to put out the necessary bad vibes :P
I will say that one of the things I loved about the (early) internet was the lack of physical presence. To be judged by what I said and how well I said it without it having to pass through the "girl filter" was (and is) a welcome relief.
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rm (where do all your links come from??) Physical attractiveness is overrated. And no, it's not a whiny "poor me, I get so attention 'cos I'm so cute" post.I've been on both sides of the pretty/ugly divide in different places and times in my life and both suck. When I was considered ugly I got sneers, curses, and ridicule - and more of the same if I didn't respond. When considered pretty I got catcalls, gropes, and pestering, plus hostility if I didn't respond. I figure at least when considered ugly people were less likely to want to touch me and the harassment seemed less likely to escalate if I ignored it.
Neither has happened to me in a long time, a fact for which I'm grateful (no, catcalls are NOT complimentary). I suspect this has to do with being a less frequent pedestrian and aging into invisibility, but I prefer to think it's because I've finally managed to put out the necessary bad vibes :P
I will say that one of the things I loved about the (early) internet was the lack of physical presence. To be judged by what I said and how well I said it without it having to pass through the "girl filter" was (and is) a welcome relief.
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no subject
Date: 2010-08-25 12:08 pm (UTC)Most of it has been unpleasant, the skeevy guy in Reading Market going, "Niiiiiiice" as he wandered by staring at my boobs, the guy at the bus stop telling me that if I ever get tired of my husband I should look him up, and the guy in the bank parking lot who thought I was hot in my momming about clothes. The guy at the bus stop started out nice enough, the bus was late, he was someone to chat with to pass time, and then out of the blue, he came out with that. If I could have gone elsewhere (and still gotten to work) I would've. All of these were times I was just going about my life, getting food, going to work, whatever.
This sort of attention makes doing regular things like grocery shopping and going to work fraught. I've got to worry if I'll be bugged and if the guy doing the bugging will stop at just words and gestures. It makes it hard to want to go out and do things.
no subject
Date: 2010-08-26 01:55 am (UTC)What I'd love to know is WHY - why guys do this. Do all guys do this at some point in their lives? Where do they learn that this is a good idea? How is it we're in a society where this kind of bullying is considered normal behavior?
no subject
Date: 2010-08-25 02:42 pm (UTC)