can't win, or can you?

[anotheranon]

I'm almost finished with "Alternative Femininities" (started here) and while I enjoyed the book and found it interesting, it wasn't the "rah rah for growing old while staying weird!" that I had (sorta) hoped it would be.

Most of the women interviewed, while disdaining mainstream "fluffy" feminine trappings still spent a lot of time on their appearance. My own experiences as a teenage goth/punk/indie kid bear this out - extreme makeup and hair take a lot of time, and finding/making unique clothing possibly more so. "Performing female" seems to take inordinate amounts of time no matter what kind of woman you want to be.

Also many felt the need to "tone it down" past around age 35, even if that only meant dyeing their hair one bright color at a time instead of three. At least none wanted to take out piercings or have laser tattoo removal, but I wish they'd been more vocal about wanting to be the old lady in purple :P

As it is, I've been "toning it down" in some ways since hitting my thirties, and part of it is the fear that I'm just too old for some looks, but some of it is hard-won self-assurance. Being past the age of conventional feminine beauty ideals, I don't feel the pressure to try and be pretty-pretty unless I feel like it. That, and I know I'm a geek/freak on the inside so much as I love to play with clothes I don't feel a terror of being caught without Cleopatra eyeliner the way I did as a kid, when my extreme appearance served as a kind of armor against the world.

Comments

[tommdroid.livejournal.com]

I recognise myself alot in this, espcially the comment about my look serving as a armor agianst the World as a teenager.

And indeed I toned it down. I like to say it's because I fear I'm too old for that look, or that I see the advantages career wise with a somewhat more sophisticated look than the 1980ies punkers, but I'm afraid I have to admit mostly it's because of laziness.

It takes alot of energy and dedication to keep all that makeup and matching clothing up to date.

[anotheranon.livejournal.com]

Well, and looking sophisticated can be a kind of armor in and of itself :)

[tommdroid.livejournal.com]

You do indeed have a point, I had just seen it as a disguise to slip passed the anti-punkish guards. ;-)

[ladyaelfwynn.livejournal.com]

Looks like an interesting book.

I totally get the clothes/appearance as armor. Mine was camoflage. I dressed in long, loose dresses/skirts and never wore make-up so only those who were interested in what I was saying/doing would pay attention to me.

As I've gotten older, I've gotten bolder. I'm finally listening to the music I want to, rather than what good girls listen to and wearing Doc Martens (because I can finally afford them), tank tops, and mini-skirts without much caring what anyone else thinks.

When my hair goes grey, I plan on trying to dye it fun colors like purple and mint green. I'm going to be that crazy, funky old lady blaring the Clash and annoying everyone because I'm not beign what they think a little old lady should be.

[anotheranon.livejournal.com]

If you like, I'm willing to loan it to you when I'm done.

Interestingly, I've become bolder in some unexpected ways - wearing color and [shock horror!] mostly white are big deals for me, coming out of a history of former goth turned '90s minimalist.

I fervently want to be the crazy old lady, but I still rather suspect I'll be crazier on the inside than the outside.