never tell me the odds
Nov. 8th, 2009 04:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
anotheranonI want my E.
There, I said it.
I'm not consumed with getting rated, but I find myself thinking of it every time I'm fencing a small and/or mostly Es and under tournament. It feels close, and I kind of hope...
Even though such thoughts are f)*^ing fatal to my game. Even though I know the "squee" would wear off quickly, and even though ratings are not why I started competing, I still sorta want one.
I want to know I can get that far, that the hours spent and injuries weren't for naught (they weren't), I want the letter by my name to inspire a bit of second-guessing in my opponents.
And it's embarrassing to admit that I'm that vain or feel that entitled. It'll happen if it happens, but still.
Maybe putting this out there will dump it from my mind so I can get about the far more rewarding activity of just fencing.
There, I said it.
I'm not consumed with getting rated, but I find myself thinking of it every time I'm fencing a small and/or mostly Es and under tournament. It feels close, and I kind of hope...
Even though such thoughts are f)*^ing fatal to my game. Even though I know the "squee" would wear off quickly, and even though ratings are not why I started competing, I still sorta want one.
I want to know I can get that far, that the hours spent and injuries weren't for naught (they weren't), I want the letter by my name to inspire a bit of second-guessing in my opponents.
And it's embarrassing to admit that I'm that vain or feel that entitled. It'll happen if it happens, but still.
Maybe putting this out there will dump it from my mind so I can get about the far more rewarding activity of just fencing.
