sex/dating: the dancing vs. basketball model
After reading this post on Pandagon about framing sex as a collaborative instead of a competitive act all I could think was - yeah, no wonder standard hetero dating sucked so bad when I was single :P
If one assumes that sex is something one person (usually male) will lie, cheat, and steal in order to get from someone else (usually female) - and based on what I saw in college, many people (men and women) had this perspective - women can never be more than the prize, not a participant. And being Most Desired Thing still sucks, 'cos you're still a thing :(
However, if you assume that sex is a collaborative act, like dancing (or other art), then you've got two (or more) fully realized individuals doing something fun together. I like this idea much better :)
Seriously, read all of it, because Amanda explains where she's coming from much better than I - also a related post elsewhere about the differences between a competitive and a performance model of sex is illustrative. Needless to say, a lot of this makes me nod in understanding.
Leaving this public 'cos I think the links are thought provoking enough to want them to have a wider audience, but comments screened 'cos sex is a touchy subject for some people. Usual rules apply - if you want to be seen, ask me to unscreen.
If one assumes that sex is something one person (usually male) will lie, cheat, and steal in order to get from someone else (usually female) - and based on what I saw in college, many people (men and women) had this perspective - women can never be more than the prize, not a participant. And being Most Desired Thing still sucks, 'cos you're still a thing :(
However, if you assume that sex is a collaborative act, like dancing (or other art), then you've got two (or more) fully realized individuals doing something fun together. I like this idea much better :)
Seriously, read all of it, because Amanda explains where she's coming from much better than I - also a related post elsewhere about the differences between a competitive and a performance model of sex is illustrative. Needless to say, a lot of this makes me nod in understanding.
Leaving this public 'cos I think the links are thought provoking enough to want them to have a wider audience, but comments screened 'cos sex is a touchy subject for some people. Usual rules apply - if you want to be seen, ask me to unscreen.